How to identify the signs of a romance scam

• Today sees the trial begin of two people accused of dating fraud which is a useful reminder we need to be wary of potential romance scams
• In 2024/25, there were 9,449 reports of romance fraud according to Crimestoppers, but the real figures will be higher, because some people are too embarrassed to admit being a victim of fraud, and some people remain convinced by their scammer
• On average, the City of London Police estimate that victims lose £11,222 each
• Romance scams are sometimes used to introduce victims to investment scams
• The FCA’s romance fraud review last year found that romance fraud is a growing financial crime which can target investments including cryptocurrency
• How to spot the signs of a romance scam

Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at AJ Bell, comments:

“Romance scams cruelly exploit people’s trust, optimism and need for human connection, most commonly to steal vital savings and investments. It can be devastating for people both financially and emotionally, so it’s important to know the risks and how to protect yourself.

“The scammers will typically use dating websites or apps, set up fake profiles and wait for potential victims to get in touch. They tend to use love-bombing techniques, moving quickly in the relationship and talking about love and a long-term future together. They will have an excuse to not be able to meet up, often working abroad or being in the military,  or they will say they don’t have the cash they need for a visit.

“Once they have built a relationship they will usually sell a sob story and ask for money. This could be for travel, visas, or for some sort of emergency.One more recent trend is that once they have built trust, they will claim to offer an investment opportunity, and use that as a technique to steal even more from victims. Another cruel variation is that they will use their victims for money laundering. Because they haven’t been asked for money, their victims don’t realise a crime has been committed.

“In some cases, gangs will be working around the clock on these fraudulent activities, so people caught up in them are bombarded with messages. This helps cut them off from other friends and family, and creates a sense of urgency, so that when they ask for money, there’s less of an opportunity for them to talk it through with someone they trust.

“They will often pick vulnerable targets they suspect will have access to money. This will include older people, who can access their pension. However, it also includes younger people, who are building wealth. It means it’s important to talk to family and friends about the risks, especially when they have been recently bereaved, divorced, or are in a particularly vulnerable state. Tragically when someone has been the victim of a scam, you’re more likely to be targeted repeatedly

“You may think you couldn’t fall foul of this sort of scam, but it’s worth knowing both women and men can fall victim. One significant University of Warwick study showed victims were more likely to be well-educated and middle class.

“These scams can be incredibly sophisticated too. So for example, they may set up a fake banking website, and give their victims the log in details for a supposed account, so they can log in and see they are as wealthy as they say they are. This version of the scam works, because once the victim logs in, they will receive a fake email saying that it’s a suspicious log in, so the account has been frozen. The scammer will then use this as a reason for needing the victim to send them money, and because they feel guilty for having caused the problem, and think they have seen proof the scammer is able to pay them back, they will send them money.

“The impact of these scams can be devastating, not least because victims realise they have been scammed, at the same time they lose what they believe was an important relationship. They may well have been isolated from loved ones by the scammers, and struggle to rebuild relationships now their faith in human nature has been undermined. Many will also wrestle with feelings of embarrassment around having been a victim of this crime.

10 signs to watch out for

“There are several things which would provide an indication of a romance scam.

1. Their profile seems astonishingly good. They can appear to be attractive people with professional photos, plenty of money and a huge amount in common with you. They may be too good to be true.
2. They love-bomb you. They claim to be in love, talk about your future together and start calling you their soulmate very quickly.
3. They may disappear for a period. Once they have established a relationship, if the victim doesn’t do something they have asked, they may pause contact for a while, so the victim is afraid of upsetting them and leaving them again
4. They may have a sad story. Common variations are to say their partner died of cancer, in a car crash, in childbirth, of covid or that they cheated
5. They want to move off the dating platform. They’ll quickly try to get you to chat through WhatsApp, text or email – so there’s no trace of the scam.
6. They avoid meeting in person. They’ll often claim to be working overseas, offshore or in the military as an excuse not to meet up. Previously they would also want to avoid video calls, but now that deep fakes have advanced so much, they may be keen on video calls in an effort to persuade you they’re genuine
7. They cut you off from your support network. They can do this by dominating your time, or discouraging you from sharing details with friends, to prevent the scam being spotted.
8. They usually ask for money. This is the biggest red flag. They may dress it up as travel costs, medical bills, visa fees, business problems, taxes, investment opportunities or an emergency. Alternatively, they may use you for money laundering. This effectively means they pay money into your account and then ask you to transfer it, withdraw it and post it, or send gift cards or devices.
9. They create a sense of urgency. They pressure you to send money quickly, before you’ve had time to think or talk to people you trust about it.
10. They may ask for unusual payment methods. This can include cryptocurrency, gift cards or sending money through a third party, although they may also set up bank accounts in the fake name and ask for money to be sent there.

How to protect yourself

"There are several ways in which you can protect you can help protect yourself from being victim to a romance scam.

“Be sceptical. You are a valuable and loveable person, but if someone who wouldn’t normally approach you in real life does so online, don’t immediately assume they are who they say they are.

“Do a reverse Google search of the image to see if it is used on any other profiles, or if it’s associated with someone else. But be aware that thanks to AI they can create an image from scratch, so this isn’t foolproof

“If you meet someone on a dating app, stick with the messaging section of the app, so there’s a record of your communication. Don’t feel you have to give them any other contact details.

“Be cautious about how much you reveal. They will exploit any weakness, and capitalise on any signs of wealth they can steal.

Don’t assume that seeing them on a video call is cast iron proof that they exist. They can use deep fakes to make very convincing-looking calls.

“Try not to get swept away by the romance of the situation. This is a proven technique, so talk things through with people you trust to see whether they’re as convinced by the relationship as you are.

“Don’t sent them money. They will have a convincing story, but any request for money is a red flag, so it’s far safer to assume it’s a scam.

“Don’t let them transfer money into your account, even to transfer it to someone else or to buy something to send to them – this is likely to be money laundering.

“Don’t feel you have to respond quickly. If it feels like they’re dominating your time, purposely walk away from it and talk to your friends and family about the relationship. If they punish you by disappearing if you ever take a break, then this is a sign you are being manipulated.

“Don’t feel bad about stopping communications. These are criminals and they’re not who they say they are. There’s every chance you’re speaking to a gang working shifts, so you’re not breaking a personal connection.

“If you’re a victim, report it. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, you’re the victim of a crime.”