Why (and how) I talk to my friends about money

Even I, an American, know that speaking about money is uncouth. The Money and Pensions Service reports that just 39% of women feel comfortable talking about money with their friends.

But it feels very acceptable to signal wealth in other ways, through the logo on your handbag or where you stay on holiday. Staying silent on the process of creating wealth while simply showing it is the financial equivalent of asking someone where they got their earrings, and them saying they ‘can’t remember’. Speaking about money can make you more prepared for your future and help answer questions that you were too intimidated to ask otherwise. It can also mean that you help others make smarter decisions for their own life.

These are some of the reasons I’ve started to bring up money with my friends. We are all women in our 20s, in the first decade of our careers. To be honest, sometimes the conversation can feel a bit silly, with little experience and (cash) to our names. But finances are a big factor in our life now and will be for the rest of our lives. For this reason, it’s never too early, or late, to start.

The other benefit of speaking to friends about money is there’s a good chance someone is going through the same thing as you. We tend to be friends with people from a shared background, interest, or life stage, and this often lends itself to the same money questions. Confused about heading into retirement drawdown? Your friend Florence who is five years your senior might have a few words of wisdom.

We can’t expect our friends to be financial experts, and it’s important to do your own research. But speaking to someone else provides an extra layer of comfort for our financial journeys and can help things feel a bit lighter along the way, especially if your finance chat is accompanied by a nice pairing of wine and cheese.

You know your people best, and the most natural way to speak about finances will differ person to person. But here’s a few approaches to try out, and some areas that might be helpful to touch on.

Open up

Being honest about your own situation is a helpful way to start a conversation about finances. Our friends have been with us through breakups, insecurities and nights out that haunt us to this day. Why do we draw the line at money? Start with what you are facing: maybe you’re worried that the budget’s a bit tight that month, or your partner is taking more risk with your investments than feels comfortable to you. You’ll likely get one of three responses: either they will sympathise with the position because they feel similar, be able to offer some guidance to help, or, they might realise they aren’t thinking about this at all, and you bringing it up helps put it on their radar.

Share what you’ve learned

If you aren’t ready to dive into the personal bit of finances, you can still talk about it in general. You might have heard about an account type like an ISA, or a tax rule you didn’t know about before. In some cases, sharing this information could save people thousands of pounds. Even if it seems obvious to you, it might not be obvious to those you are with. If you don’t want to feel like a know it all, you can always send them our way, so we can do the talking for you.

Work through it together

Starting to invest can be scary. Doing things with your closest friends often helps. If you have found that you and a friend both want to get started investing, but just haven’t taken the leap, you can sit down with your laptops and do it together. Sure, it might seem like a strange way to hang out with friends but think of it like having a gym buddy. We’re much more likely to do something when we’re held accountable. And doing this could mean that you both have more funds for girlfriend trips and dinners for years to come.

A few finance questions to get you started at your next gathering

1. How do you and your partner split finances? Do you feel comfortable with this and like you know what’s going on?
2. How often do you worry about your financial wellbeing? What would help?
3. Do you invest? If not, what’s your biggest barrier?
4. What part of investing feels most intimidating to you?